Sean

Posted 12:03 PM by sean
1. When I/we first met Sean ...

I may be wrong, but I think the first time I met Sean was when he came out with his parents to spend Christmas with Sean's grandparents. Unfortunately, about a week earlier, his grandparents had decided to get divorced, or at least to begin a high voltage, dish throwing discussion about getting divorced, so Sean certainly learned to weather the storms of controversy at an early age.

I feel like there have been several meetings with Sean. The second was in 92 when I moved to Iowa and we hung out playing Dungeons and Dragons. Sean was, of course, my intellectual and emotional equal, but that may be because of my stunted maturity, not his accelerated growth. He had a speech impediment then, one he didn't seem to care about, and he had the same relationship to the world that I had then and currently have now. He seemed to be just on the outside of the melee wondering what the hell everyone was so worked up about.

The soccer games for 8 year olds are not really profound sporting events, they mostly involve groups of the most athletically involved running around in circles in the middle of the field while the future scientists and artists and politicians tend to the occasional ball that rolls towards a goal. Sean was in the midst of his duties one day as goalie, staring off in the wrong direction with his hand in his mouth and suddenly his whole face lit up. A loose tooth that was bothering him came off in his hand and he raced over to the sidelines to give it to his mom. The parents in attendance burst into applause.

Another soccer moment; we were driving down to the field in soaking sheets of rain to watch Sean Patrick play. We pulled up and the rain was running down the windows of the mini-van like we were in a car wash, I didn't even know we were there until the door opened. When it did, we saw Sean and one friend in complete soccer costume standing alone in the field. Sean came racing to the car and before getting in he held up two fists like a conquering dictator and said, in his broken 'r's, 'Victo-wy! They Fo-fitted!!'

There was a third meeting, when Lucas was in the hospital. I came to help out in any way I could and was asked to spend some time with Sean, to make sure he knew that he was still loved even though all the attention was going to Lucas. It didn't seem that Sean had ever had any doubt about his place in the universe, but I went into this knowing my assignment, to hang out with a 13 year old boy, probably the worst sort of person there is. What I noticed immediately is that Sean was *exactly* like my friends who were 25 at the time. Maybe it says something about American men, but if Sean could have gotten a fake ID and a beard, my friends would have assumed he just graduated from college. I cracked him up, he cracked me up, and we watched the same TV shows and listened to the same music. It wasn't a chore, it wasn't an honor, it wasn't anything to hang out with him. It was like we were old friends from the same neighborhood. We even made fun of his and my parents.

Running into Sean at 17 was incredible. When he came to New York I kept forgetting I couldn't take him into bars. He may have finally matured past me at this point. But now we can at least joke about basketball and college and the seedier side of the internet. I really wanted him to come to college in New York, for completely selfish reasons. I just wanted him to be around so I could find out what new albums are good and what new websites are hilarious.

2. When Sean comes to mind, I think of ...

His sense of humor. I remember him at six needling Ian about his favorite basketball team. Over and over he would ask Ian why they sucked. When Sean was 16 or so we were walking past a poster of Ricky Martin and Sean said, 'That's an artist I like for his music,' completely straight. When he was 13 he played me a Wesley Willis CD, switching from song to song playing just the first five seconds and laughing like a banshee.

Seriously, Sean's a good looking dude, there was basically no chance of that not happening with the genes from his mom's side. But as soon as he realizes that girls like to laugh more than they like anything else, he's gonna have to put a deli ticker on the door of his dorm room and have a light up sign out front saying which number he's serving.

3. Advice for Sean's Future ...

Um, seriously? Sean should keep it real. He should keep his head up and go out and do what he has to do to win this game. He should be kind to the lesser things in this world, and be courteous, learned and obedient. He should refrain from farting in an elevator unless it is *really* crowded. And broken. He should start exercising before he ends up looking like his dad and uncle Sean. He should stand up for what he believes in and for ladies entering the room. He should learn to shoot left handed. He should grow up in a small town and live his life in a big city and grow old in a small town. He should swing at the high heat and should hit his backhand flat and down the line. He should never be any cooler than he is now. He should shower at least twice a week, without being asked. He should keep the wall to his left, the sun to his back, the wind to his front and his eyes open.

Family Values

Posted 11:35 AM by sean
How do you know?

That’s the question I haven’t yet been asked and probably won’t, but in my romantic notions, it’s a question I think I should answer. And I can’t, really. I mean, I have some grand idea that this could be a blog outlining my concept of why I believe in love, why I believe that this can work. But there is no way you can write that in a blog.

‘Values’ is one of those words that makes me cringe, since it’s meaning, like Jesus Christ, has been stolen from the people who deserve it and given to crappy old Republicans. But in order for a relationship to work, you have to value the same things. If you find a woman who is crafty and hard working, that doesn’t mean anything unless you value those qualities. It doesn’t mean that you both love God, it could mean that you both don’t. But you have to share the same priorities when it comes to behavior.

We were having a little discussion last night at my birthday dinner. Jordana is changing her last name to mine and Tessa is not changing her last name to Ian’s. I’m not sure why the discussion lasted as long as it did, but I did find myself, drunk off my ass, trying to put into words why it is so important to me. There are several reasons, primarily because I want Jordana and I to have the same last name, but also because I want to share that name with my expansive immediate family and with the rest of America who have that name. It is exciting to me, not limiting, to have the most common surname in the United States. There is another Shawn Williams in the cast of my show, a black guy who grew up in New York has my homophonic name, that is so awesome.

And also my ex-wife never took my name. Because she felt it was giving in to the patriarchy. I didn’t press it, but I did point out that I wasn’t fighting for the patriarchy, that I want Vijay Sing to lose in the masters this weekend, that I was donating my time to Planned Parenthood in Chapel Hill, that I had campaigned for the ERA in Iowa, and that I just wanted us to have the same last name as my mom. But the fact that she never changed it became an indication of her need to satisfy a political ideal over wanting to be part of a family with me.

That, by the way, is not why Tessa isn’t changing hers. She is older than I am and has built a public identity as ‘Blake’ that adds so much to here private identity. I mean, I think she too would fight the patriarchy, but I don’t think that’s why she’s doing this.

In any case, at some point far back in our relationship, Jordana and I both realized that she wanted to change her name because she knew I wanted it. She is politically savvy, but our value system is based as much on wanting to give the difficult gift to one another as it is on the importance of laughing during sex. At some point, I think we might not be getting married if this was something we didn’t agree on. There would have been a moment, years ago, when it would have broken us up. Not this particular matter, but the underlying value systems that lead us to this.

And that’s why I know this time it’s right, or at least as right as I can see right now.

Opening engagements

Posted 11:50 AM by sean
The unexamined life is not worth living, I am told, but these last few days have been beyond description. I can give you a quick recap.

- Friday I found out that my show opening for Saturday was cancelled. That’s right, cancelled. They cancelled opening night. Because the set sucked. There is a casualness to what other people may think that is so refreshing with this theater, they will do what they want when they want it, they will give you a great play when it is great and no sooner. But seriously, cancel opening night? The show must go on, unless it isn’t as good as it could be with another week of rehearsal? Amazing. They didn’t even rehearse us the night we were supposed to open, we got the night off.

- Saturday, I asked Jordana if we could just spend the day together, the two of us, for my birthday. I wanted us to just go have some fun. We went to the Upper West Side for breakfast and candy and then walked through the park down to the Empire State Building. Once up there, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. I don’t know what I can say about that. I’m sure I’ll think of something soon, but right now I can’t think of anything.

- Sunday we did the show in front of a small invited audience, mostly mothers fresh from church who muttered in agreement all the way through. Then Michelle had arranged a dinner at Otto, Mario Batali’s new restaurant, with my closest friends and family. Everyone couldn’t stop hugging Jordana and Tessa and me and Michelle, all for different reasons. The food was wonderful, everyone was awesome…

In fact, that’s the thing. It will happen, sooner rather than later, someone who is feeling sorry for themselves is gonna shit on this. My friend Steve left me a voice mail saying ‘Happy Birthday, and Happy Engagement, dude do you really need this much attention…’ and he was kidding, but at some point someone is going to come along thinking that I think I am really cool for having a show open and getting married and having a birthday all in the same weekend.

But until that happens, I am still walking on air every time I look at Jordana. I have been walking on air for years, but now it’s because of this. And I cannot believe the level of love we have gotten from everyone. It’s really incredible. People are like kids when they hear, I can't call anyone because I can't get off the phone. It seems like everyone has been waiting for this for me as much as I have.

And so, I don’t really know how to write about it until I have some perspective.