Take yer medicine

Posted 10:24 AM by sean
Ah, the highs and lows. Or rather, the ups and downs.

We needed to sell ten tickets a night in order to pay for the space, and we needed to sell about twice that in order to make money. We averaged about 22-23 tickets sold a night, and more like 26-27 people seeing the show with comps.

We have one more weekend (provided we don't move the show) and there was some concern that we would be able to sustain the pace that the rest of the show had. As of right now, we've sold out completely tonight and we have about 25 reservations for tomorrow. If we sell out the show both nights, we will have sold as many tickets the last weekend as we did the rest of the run.

More on that in a second. I got food poisoning last night. It's amazing how you know what it is, you recognize it immediately, once you've had it once. You think you have the flu, you think you have a fever, you suddenly realize you're exhausted, and then you start with the barfing. Once everything is out of your system, you feel a little but better.

Mac called, we talked for a minute, he expressed concern, and then we had a classic moment. "I mean, I just want you to be good in the play tomorrow, I don't really care how you're feeling." "Sure, yeah, well, let's be honest, no matter how sick I am , I'm still going to be amazing in the show tomorrow, I wouldn't worry about it."

If people give you what you pay for, you gotta pay 'em back in kind.

So, for the show, there is a tendency to want to somehow milk this cow while she's still walking to the barn. We will have covered our costs, which is unfortunately a huge success to us, but we covered our costs because we aimed right with this show. We knew we could get 150 or so people to come see the show, and we will have ended up right around that.

So, although there is the sense that we want to extend the show, the fact is that we can't unless someone outside our actual PR circle comes in and wants to move it. Unless someone else who thinks they can get another five hundred people to see it wants to move the show, there's no reason to move it.

One idea is to take it to Napa for a week, play in one of the smaller venues out there and stay at my Dad's. But even that's really sketchy.

The one good thing is that the show is ours, totally. We own the set pieces and the costumes, we own the play and the actors. We don't have to pass it by anyone but ourselves. I mean, if there was *any* chance of the show moving, we would drag John along.

My Home

Posted 8:45 AM by sean
My friend Mac claims that my autobiography ought to be titled "How I'm Winning". Every time something happens, no matter how good or bad, I figure out exactly how it has affected me in the best possible way. I'm not trying to claim to be a *positive* person at all, I just try to put the best face on whatever shit just hit the fan.

That's right. The best face on shit. You want sensible metaphors, go somewhere else.

Anyway, the most potent aspect of this self-celebration is the fact that I always adore whatever community I am living in. No matter where I am, I can't imagine trying to live anywhere else. Even when I lived on 35th street, basically putting my head down each night on top of the Lincoln Tunnel, I thought I would never be happy if I moved.

So, y'know, grain of salt and all that, but I absolutely adore Astoria. This morning I walked with Jordana to the trainstop because I needed to pick up potatoes for a dinner party tonight. As I walked back, I noticed for the first time that there is a wave of couples that walk to the train together each morning holding hands. Everyone is probably going to different places, but half the train is riding in tight twos like they're boarding the Ark.

The other half are all nerds. Once in a great while you will get someone who looks like they spend a little money on their clothes, or like they spend a lot of money on their hair and a lot of thrift store money on their clothes, but mostly it's just guys and dolls heading in to their jobs. No downtown dicks, just guys with jobs, musicians, playwrights, actors, heading in to the city to get their manpower checks.

I mean, the couples are all nerds too. Everyone is nerds.

I've lived here a year now, officially, today. And I am still so in love with the walk around my neighborhood. We seem to be just far enough away from the city that we don't have that aggressive urban feel, but we still have roaming groups of twelve year olds swearing too loud to prove how tough they are. I live near two basketball courts, one covered with teenagers in baggy baggies, and the other, much nicer, usually abandoned right next to the east river.

There is no urgency here. Old men and young girls stroll around the neighborhood like they are conserving energy. For some reason, almost none of the buildings are higher than two stories. There are some, it can't be a zoning thing. But there is sky everywhere, trees everywhere.

The afore-mentioned Astoria Park is a perfect example of the whole neighborhood. You can see people sailing and boating down the east river while playing between the huge lawns and ancient overhanging trees. But, they are boating down right under the Troboro bridge, which is suspended over you while you are playing basketball or tennis or running on the track. It isn't natural, this park, it's concrete and there are buildings across the way. It's saying, "Here's some nature, but don't lie to yourself, you're in New York. This is gorgeous, but it's also packed with people. That's why they call it Queens, not Queen."

I always love wherever I am. There is nothing quite like being in Napa Valley at my Dad's house and I really love visiting my family in Brooklyn because 7th Avenue is just amazing. I also love every second that I am in the city. God, New York City is just the most incredible place on earth, there is no feeling like walking through Manhattan, it's like Gershwin and Babe Ruth are two blocks ahead of you yelling, 'Come on, come on, drink down, breathe deep and run, it just gets better!'

But the twenty or so blocks around my apartment right now have everything I could ever want, and if I actually need Taco Bell or a Home Depot, they are five minutes by car. I would love it if the Kew Gardens Movie Theater (a whole blog will be written about that place) and a really great big clean deli were right around the corner. But maybe that would be just too much.

As it is now, without kids and without more concerns, there is no place I would rather be.

Do Not Call

Posted 12:36 PM by sean
Anyone who has ever spoken to me on the phone knows that I always begin conversations the same way. I identify myself and then I ask the person if they have a minute or two to talk. Even if it's my mother or father, I identify myself and ask if they have a minute. I would never assume that the person I am calling wants to talk to me, unless that person's job is to answer my phone call. I learned these lessons as a telemarketer.

I was very good at cold calling. I never worked in a part of the industry that demands that you call people at home, although that doesn't seem like such an invasion to me. If you have a phone line and you answer the phone, you are giving permission to the person to call you. If you don't want to be called, turn the phone off and get some sort of answering system to deal with your incoming calls. And don't tell me you don't want to spend money on a system or a service, you had to buy a phone and pay for the phone line. You have to pay for stuff you want.

This "Do-Not-Call" list is going to be really tough on a lot of smaller businesses. The truth is, there is no better way to get someone to take a look at your product than to speak to them person to person. The Mormons have always known this, it's why they go door to door instead of doing ad campaigns.

I run a pathetically small business, one that might make a hundred dollars this year if we're lucky. In order to get people to come to my show, I have to send out tons of postcards and emails and set up reminders in parts of the city where my customers might be. But the very best way for me to get people to be interested in my show is to speak to them.

We have a responsibility as Americans to investigate the advertising that is given to us. If you believe in the free market system, you have to do your part as a consumer to discover the goods and services available to you. The people who buy my product (in other words, come see the play I'm producing) have been really happy that they did. Many people are coming back our last weekend, implying that the experience wasn't just worth the asking price, but actually worth twice that for twice the experience.

But if direct marketing ceases to be an option, what is a guy like me supposed to do? What are all those telemarketers going to do? Why, when hours and hours of our television viewing, a majority of the print we read and a large chunk of our mail and email is advertising are we making it more difficult for people to call us and offer us their product. Advertising is the way we learn about stuff we didn't know we want.

Seriously, those knives on tv that can cut through a boot? I'd never buy them off TV or the internet. But if someone came to my door with a set of those knives, I'd probably buy them. Hell, I'd definitely buy them.

When you get spam, don't you wish you could tell the person who sent it to you not to send you any more? With telemarketers, you can. People did all the time. I was calling businesses and offering them competitive quotes for their business insurance. But many of the people had long standing relationships with their insurance provider, some even got their insurance through family members. So when they told me they weren't interested, I took them off the list. FOREVER. No-one ever called them again.

I only had one indignant person the whole time I was working the phones. Someone owned a chain of dry cleaners, he had about twenty employees, and I asked him if he was the person who made the decisions about the company's insurance. He flew off the handle. "DO you really think I have the time to answer these questions?"

"I don't really know, sir, but if you aren't the person who can answer this question, can you put me in touch with the person who does?"

"Oh no. I'm the boss around here. I make these decisions. What makes you think I have the time to answer your questions? I have a string of businesses and they all take my attention. Why do you think I can just sit here and answer your questions about my business? What are you trying to sell me, exactly, and why are you wasting my time?"

"Actually, sir, I'm not trying to sell anything. We'd like to prepare a quote for you, but only if you are actually looking for quotes each year when your insurance comes up for renewal. If you don't take quotes for your insurance, I'll mark that in our list."

"I didn't agree to be on any list. Where did you get that list?"

"Dunn and Bradstreet, sir. They prepare a list of companies in your community that make a certain amount of money and have more than eight employees."

There was a pause and he said, "We take quotes, but only from local businesses, we keep our business here in Texas" and I told him who I was calling for (a company down the street from him) and not only did he set an appointment, he went with that company on his insurance three months later.

And, y'know, the part where he was yelling at me about how much time he was wasting was less time than it took to set an appointment.

Look, I'm not interested in breast implants and I don't want your fake vacation giveaway, but there are already laws against that. If you really think that the seven seconds it takes for you to tell someone to take you off their call list, even if you have to tell them ten times, is too precious a gift to give up in order to live in a free market society then you need to re-evaluate your priorities.

I'm on the "go ahead and call me" list. I got thirty seconds, no matter what I'm doing. And if you're selling those knives, call me soon.

You should write

Posted 10:12 AM by sean
Hey, I know I said your blog sucked but... go ahead and write. I mean, if you want to.

Look, I wasn't saying your blog sucks. I know, I know, it *sounded* like I was saying your blog sucks, but I was just... it's just that sometimes I feel bad and I have to lash out, y'know? I feel so all alone, and that makes me say things I wouldn't normally say.

C'mon, baby. Write something. Go ahead. Tell me how you're feeling. C'mon honey. Remember when you had all that knitting? That was *great*, you should tell me about it again. Remember when you thought that thing? You should totally tell me about it again. The famous person you met at that wedding...?

Okay, honey, I just checked again and there have been no blogs posted. You really should. Just think about what's happened the last little while and post a blog about it. Honey, I don't want to have to be like this, but, y'know, it's your responsibility to post a blog. I mean, I don't want to pressure you, but if you don't write a blog, I can't promise you that I'll keep writing mine.

Look. I've been nice. But there's still no posting.

You know what? Your blog sucks. Don't post, I don't care. No. No, don't even try. Don't you fucking post, not after all this. I don't even *want* to read your crap.