The night before

Posted 12:41 AM by sean
I have never done this before. I've never sat down with my computer and started writing a blog with little or nothing to say.

I have a list of stuff to do in the morning, starting nice and early. If I get everything done, we'll be on schedule, but there really isn't enough time to do everything.

I'll say this for that. I started my theater career at Citrus College, and they knew how to wring every moment out of a young man's schedule. I have no idea how they pull it off, the adults, year after year. The kids are elastic, they just don't ever sleep and they power through. I have the feeling that I am going to sleep for about fifteen hours after the wedding.

Steve said to me today that he doesn't think they should have to come out the week before the wedding because they'll have everything under control. And it's true, if we don't do all the printing of stuff ourselves and all the centerpieces ourselves, etc, then it would all be easier. But I can't wait to pull up this blog the week before his wedding when Deb cancels work and flies out because everything is falling apart.

Mac is sweating the best man speech. Jordana called me in tears because she couldn't relax. Kent just called to say he was overnighting the trombone because it doesn't fit in his carry-on. Ian and Michelle are rehearsing their song tomorrow morning.

That's just how it goes. And I love all these people, they're making me a tiny bit nuts, but the truth is, for the most part, we're getting it done the best way we know how. Tomorrow night is the rehearsal dinner, then's the wedding, and then Lucretia and auditions and work. I feel like I gotta try to be here now, or I'm gonna loose this time, but it's really easy to just try to get everything done while holding my breath. I gotta remember to breathe a little.

Wasting Time

Posted 3:48 PM by sean
If I am posting a blog in the next two days, it's because I'm not doing something else that I am supposed to be doing. I just spent an hour on a train in order to spend an hour going over the service, which will take ten minutes. It's that kind of thing.

Again, and as always, I know that's part of the deal when you're producing, and I'm starting to get excited about the finished product. I got a letter from the Shalom Orchestra, saying they are excited about our simcha and mazel tov. I don't know what any of that means, but I know we saved five hundred dollars by not hiring another trombone player, which is fine because only I'm gonna miss him.

I got married once before, and it wasn't nearly this cool and the girl wasn't nearly this awesome, although she was awesome in her own way. There is a picture of me with Ian, and it looks like I'm laughing and rolling my eyes, but I distinctly remember trying not to cry when the picture was taken.

My family were not very cooperative, and that's what bummed me out, but you know what? It was the photographer that was making me feel like a dick for not having the whole family in the same place. Fuck that asshole. We have a cool photographer this time, a cool wedding site, a really cool bridal party featuring all my brothers and nephews, and a really cool bride and bride's family.

What's weird is that I didn't give a crap what anyone thought last time, probably because I didn't really have any respect for anyone. Now, I love everyone and I'm scared they won't have fun. The bigger a jerk I was, the better the wedding.

Anyway, one last picture of the dining room...

No Lie

Posted 4:26 PM by sean
Yeah, Monday, yesterday that is, was the day you have with every show. That one day where you think it isn't going to happen and even if it does it wasn't worth it. It's a crappy place to be, and since there are no rehearsals for this, I don't get that rehearsal after the bad rehearsal feel in order to snap me out of it.

But I do find myself recommitted, and I realize now that I was hoping this would all be over because I'm actually really scared about what people will think. I'm scared of what they will think of the wedding, what they will think of each other.

I mean, the people who are coming are damn near stereotypes. They are so totally *them*, a lot of them. I was looking around the bachelor party weekend, and if I had skipped the conversation part of getting to know my friends and had simply picked people by hair loss and weight gain patterns, it still would have been roughly the same group.

If you want to find something to hate about each of the groups coming to the wedding, you'll find it. My mom? Easy. My dad? Forget about it. Jordana's folks? Fish in a barrel. If people want to hate this wedding, it's gonna be really easy to hate it.

And I care much less than I am worried about how much Jordana will care. If someone drinks two glasses of wine, we're gonna hear about how they have a problem. If someone speaks in Hebrew, it'll be a joke for years to come. Someone's dress is too low? Someone's had work done? Someone is too fat? Someone's anorexic?

And the bachelor weekend was exactly what I needed. These guys? Jesus Christ. I didn't shower for four days and these guys didn't *notice*.

So, there is a certain amount of hesitant optimism when I think about the wedding. Not dread, like yesterday, but a sort of balanced hopefullness.

I'll tell you this. When I think about all the people, I get nervous. When I think about slipping a ring on that girl's hand, I just about want to die of joy.

And when I see all of our awesome presents, I realize what I'm getting out of this is more than just a happy marriage, but also a brand new kitchen.
And new silverware...

Other People

Posted 12:31 AM by sean
It's a slippery slope, dealing with too many people over too much time. When you don't have the time alone to yourself to clear out the cobwebs, it can be pretty rough for most people.

For me, I jsut had the bachelor party weekend that was *exactly* waht I wanted. My friends and I talked for three days. That's it. Well, we bowled a little, ate some sandwiches, drank a lot, but mostly just talked.

My friends are really lovely. They are a group of kind and intelligent people who not only love me, but they seem to love each other so much. And they are really gentle people, kind and thoughtful with each other and with everyone. Cracking up these guys means something.

But for most people, and for me most times, you need time away from social demands just to let your internal compass spin around a few thousand times and then slowly come to a rest at true north. My marriage has already started, and I know this because the only way I can find true north is with Jordana's help.

For the boys and girls who got together this weekend, I hope you find a time to be alone, and for people who feel alone right now, man, I hope you get a chance to have your friends around you.

To tell you the truth, I'm excited for the wedding, but I'm really excited to be on the other side of the wedding and to be back in rehearsal. This is a great show we're gonna put on this coming Saturday, but I'm psyched to going back to creating the next new piece.

Repost

Posted 4:33 AM by sean
Originally published one year ago today...

This ought to be instructional. You can’t come here every five or six days and expect to simply be entertained or, more often, shocked at my level of self absorption. You ought to be able to learn something as well. So, here’s a little lesson for all you career actors out there. This is for all you people who fell in love with acting because you got cast in your high school production of Annie Get Your Gun, but to this day don’t realize that you were cast because the Drama Teacher needed a popular kid. I call it ‘Acting For The Effortlessly Attractive’.

Your job is acting. Your job is not writing, directing, costuming, producing, choreographing, lighting, set or sound designing or, most importantly, performing your stand up. You are going to want to do all these things, because deep down you know that you don’t know a fucking thing about acting and you want people to think you are smart and cool. But you need to remember that you don’t know a fucking thing about anything, so trying to help with everything else makes you an asshole.

a. The writing. Say what the playwright wrote. I don’t care if you think it’s your job to bring the funny, I don’t care if you think memorizing the lines too well make your performance wooden. Say the words. A person who considers his body to be his instrument has no right re-writing words from a guy who considers his mind to be his. As an actor, your job is to look at what is written, and make that into the character. If you decide who your character is, but the lines don’t match, then you are wrong.

b. The directing. If your director says ‘I need you stage left’, the only right answer is ‘Thank you.’ Among the large, long list of wrong answers is, ‘But why would my character move stage left?’ It’s your job to figure it out. Do it, and make it real, that’s why acting is hard, why it’s a discipline. It isn’t about being famous, it’s about thinking and being present all the time. Don't suggest direction to the director. She or he is seeing more than you are. That, and, as a dumbshit, you don't know anything anyway so just feel blessed that the hours of work you spend on your abs gave you the opportunity to even be a part of this.

(As a quick aside, when I started acting I was taught the ‘Christmas Wonderment Cross’. It is a sure fire way to follow the blocking without too much worry about motivating the motion. As a child entering a department store, when you see all the decorations and the giant tree, you can cross anywhere, even while talking to the guy behind you.)

(Also, one of my favorite directors, Dan Kois, always builds the entire set for you, fourth wall included, every imagined detail, so that even where the set is incomplete, you always have reasons to go to another part of the room.)

c. The costuming. If your costume looks dumb, then maybe you are supposed to look dumb. If you can’t move right in your costume, then find a new way to move. If it makes your ass look big, or if it gives you love handles, then guess what? Your character has a big ass and love handles. If you didn’t want your character to have them, you should quit eating ho-hos. Theater isn't a vanity project, so shave off your fucking 90210 beard, take off your fucking wonderbra and try to pretend you're a real human being.

d. Producing. Don’t make the staff come to you, begging for your free time. If acting is a priority, then switch shifts at work, apologize to your girlfriend about her birthday, give the cat too much food in the morning and do your goddam job. We are actors, that’s what we get to do all day, and there is no-one luckier in the world. I could give a shit if your cable gets turned off, let it go and read ‘An Actor Prepares’ with all your new free time.

e. Designing. As with everything else, you have no idea how things look to the audience. The design team wants you to be who they need you to be for the show, they don’t care if you look yellow in blue clothes or if you have trouble seeing because of the follow spot. The platform is too small for you to release your inner demons? Then try acting. There won’t always be room for you to do chin-ups before your five line walk-on, so the art better start being internal.

f. Your Goddam Stand-up. Sure, we laugh at some of your shit. Sure, it makes it harder to get furious at you for the rest of your staggering lack of efficiency and character. But if someone makes a joke about dogs licking their balls, you don’t have to say ‘If I could do that, I’d never leave the house.’ Remember when you used to walk around saying ‘You Look Mahvelous’ and then you stopped because everyone hated you? Your routine is better than that now, but no less stolen or offensive. Making fun of other guys in the cast when they look retarded is one step beyond the usual cruelty associated with this act, because looking retarded is the first step to an honest performance, and you are unable to even get that far.
Take this as lesson one. Just this much will make you ten times the actor you are now.